Cliffyboy, Spellbinder, and Duckman

Ok, so I was just patrolling the town last night. I was just driving around in my Cliffymobile minding my own business when I see this guy that looks like a Merlin wannabe. He had that whole sorcerer robe and cap thing going on, and he had a book in one hand. He opened his book, and when I drove past, he said a few words and held his arm out stiffly as if to make me stop. Well, I did. Came to a screeching halt. Being that I wasn't using the brakes, the tires kept spinning and squeeling, making smoke like crazy.

So I slammed on the brakes and jumped out. "Hey! What do you think you're doing? Those are very expensive tires. I need good tires to be able to chase bad guys!"

"SILENCE!" he shouts at me. "I am Spellbinder! Watch in awe as I turn Bumblyburp upside down and inside out."

At this point, if this were a TV show, I'd look at the camera with a wry smile and almost snicker. Then, I would walk over, grab his book and punch him. What nerve this guy has thinking he can just turn my town upside down with his crazy spells. Well, anyway, that's what I would do if this were a TV show. But it's not.

Instead, he turned the page in his book and started mumbling a few words. Then he turned the page and began mumbling again. I couldn't help it anymore. "Um, what are you doing?"

"I'm looking for the spell that will turn you into a goat. Once you are a goat, then you will not be able to stop me from turning the town upside down. Aha! Wiggle worm and squiggly squirm, turn into a little worm!"

Suddenly, I have a whole different view point on life. I'm wiggling around on the ground, and I'm even softer than my usual pickle softness. Spellbinder however, was very upset. He had used the wrong spell.

"No, no, no. That's not a goat. That's a worm. The plan was to turn him into a goat. Do you think I can get it right. NOOOOOO! Not me. I've got to fix this."

Then he starts looking in his book again to see if he can figure out how to turn me into a goat. It's very fortunate that nobody pointed out to him that I wouldn't be able to do anything as a worm. He found a good number spells and he tried many of them. None of them turned me into a goat though. He turned me into a cow, a wolf, and a frog, before he settled on a newt and then changed his mind and insisted on the goat again. Then I became a telephone pole, a car, and a garage door opener before he decided that he had to start over. He found the spell that undid all of his spells made in the last hour, and I became myself again.

I would have jumped him right then, but I didn't have a chance. Instead, this half duck and half man jumped around the corner and shouted, "Have no fear! Duckman is here!" Great! Just what I need. Another super hero to get in my way.

"Wait a minute!" I shouted. 'This is my town! I don't need another super hero here to help me stop the evil doers here, and I won't allow some Merlin wannabe to turn my town upside down!"

"My name is Spellbinder! Not Merlin!"

"And I'm not just any other super hero! I'm Duckman!"

"I don't care what your names are! Give me that book!" I shouted as I began to chase spellbinder around the Cliffymobile. "And you, get out of my town. Go find another town to defend!" I shouted over my shoulder while running. That's when I realized that Duckman had just put out his webbed foot and tripped Spellbinder. He bent over, grabbed the book, and shredded it with his....duck bill. I would say teeth, but I'm not sure he had any.

"NNNOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Shouted Spellbinder. "I need that book. Without it, I have no power!"

"Good!" I said. "That means that I can easily take you downtown to set up shop in your new home, a jail cell. Duckman, thanks, but go home."

"You're welcome Cucumber boy. Glad to be of service. I'll see you tomorrow!" Then he said, "Quack, quackity quack!" and he flew away.

"No, I won't see you tomorrow! Bumblyburp is my town! Stay away! I'm a pickle, not a cucumber!"

I don't think he's going to listen. Now I have to deal with him tomorrow.