Purple monsters and mad snowmen.

Imagine if you turned on the evening news and you heard stories like these.

"Purple Tree Eater!"
There are reports coming from the wilderness of the state of Washington, of a strange creature. Many have heard of Bigfoot sightings, but now we have heard of Purple Tree Eater sightings. The first sighting was about ten miles from the little town of Hungry Man, Washington. A man was trying to do some hunting with no luck, and then he saw it. A large purple creature was walking through the forest just pulling branches gently from the trees. He gathered all the branches in his arms according to our anonymous witness. As he watched the creature looked right at him and smiled.
After a few minutes of gazing at him, the creature walked right over to him and sat down with his armful of tree branches. The creature picked one branch and held it out to the man. Unsure what to do, the man reached out and took the branch, holding it with two arms. The purple creature then picked out another branch and held it up to his mouth. The creature began doing something that the man never expected. It licked all the bark off of the branches with a very rough tongue, and then slowly bit pieces off of the branch with big teeth, eating it slowly as if to savor it.
Without warning, the creature suddenly jumped up and spit a piece out. "White pine! I hate White Pine. Other flavors of pine are good, but not White Pine. I also like Maple, and Cherry branches, but White Pine is no good."
The creature then walked away, leaving the man flabbergasted at this experience. After telling his story, people all over the state started to report that they were seeing purple objects moving amongst the trees. None of them however have told quite an interesting tale of this creature. The media is calling it the "One-eyed, one-horned, purple tree-eater." If you see the Purple Tree Eater, we urge you to contact your local Police Station.

Second Story:
"Snowmen Picket News Station!"
In Buffalo, New York, there has been an unprecedented reaction to the local weather mans report of upcoming weather. It’s not unusual for people to complain about the weather report. People do it all the time. But how often do we see the local snowmen actively protest the weather?
The report for later this month included what is called the January thaw. This is the time in January where the temperatures rise from their usually frigid numbers to the temperatures where the snow and ice begin to melt. When the snowmen heard that the January thaw was coming soon, they quickly banded together and made sings to protest it. They went directly to the nearest TV station with a weather man, and began their picket. They had signs that read, "No warmer temperatures!" and "No January thaw!" as well as "Snow and Ice forever!" The snowmen have devoted themselves wholly to this strike, saying they will keep picketing until the weather man apologizes, or until they melt, whichever comes first.
Around noon the other day, they became a bit unruly. When the police showed up, they were threatened that they had better calm down, or the police were going to call in the fire company to spray them with the water hoses. This made them very upset, but when the firemen actually arrived, they all turned and ran away. They have not yet returned, but a spokesman for the snowmen vowed that they would return soon.