Tagged again?!

OK, my sister really likes to tag me with this stuff. Interesting, huh? Anyway, here is what she wants from me.


I AM: A child of God, a deacon, ajildren's ministry director, and a soldier of Christ disguised as a bus driver.

I WANT: More time alone with my wife.

I WISH: Everybody drove as good as me.

I HATE: When mature people act like little children.

I LOVE: God, my wife, my children, my Mom. OK, OK. My siblings too.

I MISS: my dad. I know it's been 11 years, but I still wish he were here.

I FEAR: I am determined to fear nothing and nobody but God.

I HEAR: Traffic, a lawn mower, my computer.

I WONDER: How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

I REGRET: the times that I didn't seek advice before making important decisions.

I AM NOT: perfect. OK, it was my sister's answer, but it's a good one.

I DANCE: pretty badly.

I SING: better on the lower keys. I can do real good with, "I'm dreaming of a white Christmas"

I CRY: When I realize just how much God loves me. OK, OK, it's a mushy answer, but I'm not ashamed to get mushy with God.

I AM NOT ALWAYS: on time.

I MAKE WITH MY HANDS: I don't know. I'm not to good at making things. I'm better at tearing things apart. However, I don't too bad with making a sandwich. Does that count?

I WRITE: Well, usually I have to write the curriculum for the children's ministry at my church. On occasion, I get to write a sermon. When I get a chance, I write fiction at this website, and also in a few other places.

I CONFUSE: easily when I talk with women.

I NEED: grace.

I SHOULD: do something more productive.

I START: before I finish.

I FINISH: after I start.

Traveling Salesmen and Super Dad's

Here's the next edition. Imagine your favorite newscaster saying...

"Traveling Salesmen?!"
In Empty Pockets, Nebraska, a family is reporting a run in with traveling salesmen. That may not sound unusual at first, but these were no ordinary traveling salesmen. These traveling salesmen were from another planet. Yes that’s right, they were aliens.
On a Saturday afternoon, the Smith family was just enjoying another weekend at home when there was a knock at the door. When Mr. Smith answered the door, there was a green alien yellow eyes and no hair was standing there. Next to him there was another green alien, but this one had red eyes, and hair dragging on the ground behind him.
The first alien reached out his hand and said, "Hello, my name is George and this is my companion Fred. We’ve come a long way across the galaxy to show you something that we just know you’re going to want to buy."
Mr. Smith was shocked at first, but when he heard what they wanted, he simply said, "We’re not interested. Besides, we don’t have any money. Goodbye." Then he closed the door.
As Mr. Smith turned around, he screamed. The aliens were now behind him, inside his house. "How’d you do that?" he asked.
The aliens looked at each other briefly then responded, "Well, have you ever seen Star Trek? Our transporters are better. They’re quicker and much quieter because we can control ours with just a thought."
"You know about star Trek?"
"Well of course. We keep up on all earth technology and entertainment. If we don’t study how you all live, how will we ever know what you all need in life. Which brings me back to the reason why we are here."
"Wait a minute!" said Mr. Smith. "I don’t want to hear about any product except for your transporters. I could definitely use one of those."
The aliens seemed a little perplexed. "No body has ever asked for that before." said George. "What do you think Fred?"
"Well, why not. I mean, if he’ll pay for it, why not."
George looked back to Mr. Smith. "You’ve got a deal!"
Mr. Smith wasn’t ready for the deal yet though. "Before you sell it to me so quickly, I want to try it first."
"Not a problem." said Fred.
Immediately a large machine was in front of them. Mr. Smith called his son Jimmy over. Jimmy looked at the machine for a while and he figured out how to use it.
"Yeah, it’s real simple Dad. All you’ve got to do is push this button here, and those guys can’t control it anymore. Then, to transport them back to their ship, push these buttons, and we’ll never see them again."
Mr. Smith fought the aliens off for a bit while he shouted, "Do it now, Jimmy. Do it!" Then, Jimmy did it, and the aliens were gone. Ever since, the Smiths haven’t needed their car, so if you’re looking for a good car, you might be able to get a deal with them.

"Dad to the Rescue!"
Last month we told you about the children of a super hero school who had a contest concerning the best Mom awards. Well, we are going to take you back there for another story. It appears that the students at the school found themselves in quite a predicament recently. You see, an evil villain took over the school, and demanded ransom from the parents of the students.
All of the parents, who are super heroes of course, gathered together to make a plan how to save them. However, none of them could agree on how to do it. Every one of them insisted on doing it their own way. They argued together for many hours, to no avail.
There was one father who wasn’t willing to just stand around and argue. While the others continued to argue, he formulated and executed his own plan without a problem. He decided to turn the tables on the evil villains, and he decided to join them, or so it seemed.
You see, this father went down to the school and called for them to come talk for a minute. He said that he didn’t care that his children were being held hostage. He wanted in on their plan, because he needed some money to help pay off his debts. Although it took much talking and persuasion, eventually the villains agreed to let him.
Once inside the building, and learning their whole plan, he gathered together with them in one room, and then proceeded to kick their butts! Because villains are not so smart, they never saw it coming. In 3 minutes, this father had all of them tied up in knots. He then went out to the cafeteria, where all of the students were being held, and let them free. This father’s children were extremely proud of their father, and gloated to everyone about him.
The other heroes heard what happened and came straight to the school. They gladly welcomed their children home, and they all gave the rescuing father an award for actually doing something and not standing around arguing like the rest of them. One commented to him, "It’s a wonder anyone gets saved with the way we argue all the time. Good job!"

Duck Tales!

Imagine your favorite newscaster telling you these duck tales.


"The Dry Duck!"
In the town of Rainy, Ohio, a young boy noticed an unusual thing by the pond out back. What he saw was a duck carrying an umbrella, and constantly watching the sky. His curiosity really got to him, so he went out to talk to the duck. "Excuse me duck, but what are you doing?"
The duck looked at him, apparently shocked that the boy was talking to him. After a moment, when he realized that he was just standing with his bill open, he cleared his throat and asked, "I’m sorry, what do you mean?"
The was a little surprised to hear the duck talk to him in English with very little of his duck accent. "Well, I mean, why are you walking around with an umbrella, watching the sky?"
"Why that’s easy to answer young man. I’m watching to see if it will rain. You see, I don’t want to get my feathers wet."
"But, I thought that ducks liked water."
"Well, most ducks do, but I don’t. Actually, I’m terribly frightened of water. I’m not quite so concerned about standing water, like in a lake or something like that. What bothers me more is the thought that it could rain. I always carry this umbrella with me just in case it does. You see, once it starts raining, you never know when it will stop. It could rain for days or weeks, and then you would have a flood. I also wouldn’t be able to get dry for months. It would take forever for the water to recede."
"Have you ever been stuck in a flood before?"
"Oh yes. I have experienced many floods, and think that now I may have developed a condition. I’m always watching for rain, because I don’t want it to flood. You know, there was a time long ago when it rained for more than a month. The water got so high, that it rose over the tallest mountain. The only place I could find to stay dry was a stupid boat filled with all kinds of animals. Boy did it stink. And would you believe, the captain of that boat wouldn’t let me have my umbrella. He took it from me and refused to give it back until the water had all dried up. I haven’t let it out of my sight since."
"You mean to tell me that you were on Noah’s Ark?" asked the boy skeptically.
"Well, yes. I was. What, you don’t believe me?"
"Noah’s ark sailed thousands of years ago. How could you have been alive that long?"
"Have you ever herd of Rip Van Winkle? Well, I’ve got him beat. When I fall asleep, I sleep for centuries. However, I never sleep without my umbrella."
The boy invited the duck into his house. The duck gladly accepted, because then he would be inside where it doesn’t rain. The duck told the story to the boy’s father, and the local news agencies, and the duck became famous. It didn’t last long though. Three days later, the duck fell asleep in the boy’s bed.

"Duckman!"
There is a man in western New Jersey that is no longer just a man. He used to be a scientist studying the eating habits of ducks, when there was an accident. Ever since that accident, he has insisted on being called "Duckman."
Here’s what happened. Every evening, the scientist would feed the ducks. Well, one day, the food looked funny. However, because this whole thing was an experiment, he gave the food to the ducks anyway. He wanted to see if they would eat it.
Well, must of the ducks refused to eat, but there was one that tried it. The duck hated it. However, the duck appeared to gain supernatural thought processes and supernatural strength. The duck spit out the second piece of food and exclaimed, "Hey you, scientist! Where’s the real food!?"
The scientist was shocked. "You can talk!?"
"Of course I can. But your not going to be able to talk, because I’m going to cram this food into your mouth and see how YOU like it!"
The duck jumped at the man, and both of them fell into the water dish, which was big enough to water all the ducks. The food mixed with the water, and there was an amazing chemical reaction. The water and food mix caused the duck and the scientist to fuse together and become one. He looked like a man with duck feathers and wings, and a bill in place of his mouth and nose, and webbed feet like a duck. He also had super human strength.
Ever since the accident, the duck man has been flying all over the region and helping people in need. He has saved many people who were being mugged, and jumping off bridges. He has insisted that people call him Duckman. If you get into trouble, call for Duckman, and he may come help you. His phone number is 1-800-DUCKMAN. Calls may be monitored for evil doers.