Crazy Fiction and More!

Thursday, December 29, 2005

Winter stories

Here's a couple stories that I wrote for the children's curriculum, so once again, imagine your favorite newscaster saying...


"Snowman Saves the Day!"
In Snow River, Iowa, a very unusual thing happened to some bullies. As they were threatening to beat up a little boy for not giving them his milk money, a stranger stepped between them. The unusual thing about this is that the stranger was not a person, but a snowman. The snowman leaned right into the lead bully’s face and said, "Back off! Pick on someone your own size!"
The bullies, not wanting to be afraid of a pile of snow with a carrot and several pieces of coal, quickly surrounded the snowman. The snowman knew what he had to do. He grabbed one of the sticks that made up his arms with his other arm, and fought them all off. One by one, each bully quickly gave in when the were lashed very hard by the thin stick, several times each. One was heard yelling "Mommy! Help! Mommy!" as he ran away. There were several witnesses to the boy running and yelling, but by the time anyone realized that the boy was running from the area of the snowman, all they saw was a little boy hugging the snowman which was no longer moving and looked like the average snowman. Although nobody believed the little boy at first, the bullies soon confessed that it was true to their own shame. The snowman was given a metal to wear around his neck and a freezer to live in during the summer as a reward for his good deed.

"Interstellar Snowball Fight!"
In a small town outside of Evansville, Indiana, some local boys reported an unusual sight during their snowball fight. As they were launching snowballs from one snow fort to another, they saw some unusual lights in the sky around them. They then saw two flying saucers land in a nearby field. Little green men came from one of the flying saucers and little purple man from the other and they approached the boys. Although the boys were afraid at first, the soon calmed when one of the aliens asked, "Can we fight too? We have been arguing about which of our peoples is going to rule the galaxy. However, we agree that we don’t want to blow each other up because we want to have the other people as slaves. We want to resolve it in your snow ball fight. Can we join you?"
The boys looked at each other and shrugged. "OK" they said. Well, the green went to one fort and the purple to the other, and they fought with the boys and each other, putting their whole hearts into the battle. One of the green men hit a purple man in the head with a snowball that had a stone in it. "Hey!" shouted the purple aliens. "That’s against the rules! You can’t do that! You lose because you were cheating!"
The green men shouted, "No way! We’ve hit far more of your guys than you have hit of ours. How could you possibly win? We won’t give up!"
The purple shouted back, "You must give up and become our slaves because you cheated!"
The Green men started running to their ships and shouted back over their shoulders, "You have to catch us first! Bet you’ll never catch up! You can’t even get your ships to go faster then 12 light years per minute! By the time we reach the planet Glorp, you’ll still be stuck in the Pleep Nebula!"
The purple men were so upset, that they all ran to their ship and chased them out of the area. The boys however, were amazed to have been able to throw snowballs at aliens and lived to tell about it.

Friday, December 16, 2005

Tagged again?

OK, my sister really seems to enjoy tagging me. This time, she wants me to list five wierd habits of mine. I'm a little stuck though. What constitutes weird? I was joking around on her web site about her superhero that her superhero picks lint off her belly button, but I don't even really think that's all that weird. I mean, sometimes I have to pick lint off my belly button, and it doesn't feel weird to me. But this all leads me to an even deeper question. You see, my sister says that I'm a dork. But can dorks be weird without then ceasing to be a dork, because now your weird instead? Or, is it one of those things that you might be able to do at the same time if you are really well coordinated? Well, I hope someone gives me a really deep answer for my deep questions, because I don't think I can go on with this assignment without these questions answered. I'm a very needy person, as you can tell. So, whose going to answer?

Saturday, December 10, 2005

Narnia

The new Narnia movie, "The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe" TOTALLY ROCKS! I highly recommend it to just about anyone and everyone over the age of five. Although the movie embellished from the book in some places, and left some other parts from the book out, it kept the core message of the book. If you liked the book, you'll love the movie. If you've never read the book, I highly recommend it and all of the Chronicles of Narnia books. And, I highly recommend this movie. By the way, did I mention that this movie TOTALLY ROCKS!

Thursday, December 08, 2005

Beware the Man Eating Duck!

Recently, my oldest son told me about a dream that he had. He said that he dreamed about being chased by a duck that was trying to eat him. Last I knew, it was supposed to be the other way around. People eat ducks, and ducks don't eat people. That is until now. Try ro imagine...

Karl was sitting in the city park on another beautiful day. He liked to feed the ducks when they come by. Well, this day, as he was feeding the ducks from the park bench by the pond, one of the ducks spit the bread back out at him. It looked at Karl and said, "Aflac! I hate bread. I'm sick and tired of bread. You look pretty tasty on the other hand."
The duck charged Karl and he turned and ran away, dropping the bread on the ground, and yelling at the top of his lungs. He never knew that ducks talked first of all, and neither had he ever known that a duck could develop an appetite for humans.
The duck pursued him without mercy. It yelled out "Quack!" and sometimes, "Aflac!" When the duck finally caught up with him, the duck got the heel of shoe and tripped him up. He turned and looked at the duck as it crouched over him. He was terified. He did NOT want to become duck food. The duck stared him in the eye as he put his webbed foot on Karl's neck to hold him down. The duck then leaned right over into Karl's face and said, "When I'm done with you, you're going to need health insurance that pays cash. Before I chew up your face, could I interest you in a policy with AFLAC?