Demands!

Demand once again persuades me to post more stories. Here are some stories that I wrote for the class for the night that the County Sheriff came and talked to the kids. Just imagine once again that your favorite newscaster said this...

"Alien Caught Speeding!"
Outside a small town in western New York, a police officer was just doing his routine speed control with his radar gun, when he caught a most unusual looking person speeding. The police officer quickly went after to him to pull him over. Thankfully for the officer, the person pulled right over. However, when the officer approached the car, he realized that it wasn’t really a person after all. In that car, he reports to us that he saw a little green man with blue antennas.
Not wanting to make a huge scene, the officer simply began his regular routine for a pullover. "Can I see you license and registration please?"
The alien responded, "Um, which license do you want to see? If you want my drivers license, well, I don’t have one of those. But, I do have an interstellar license for travel over light speed."
"Sir, do you have the registration for this car?"
"Well, I don’t know for sure. This isn’t my car. Actually, this isn’t even my planet."
"What’s your name sir?"
"Well, you won’t be able to pronounce it, but you can call me Frable."
"Frable, I’m going to need you to step out of the car."
The police officer did get Frable out of the car, and he began to search through the glove compartment for the registration, when he came across a very unusual device. He picked it up, and accidentally pushed a button on it. Suddenly, he found himself in a very unusual place. He soon decided that he was on a space ship.
"Wow. It’s just like Star Trek."
The thing about this story that makes it hard to believe is what happened next. The officer pushed the button again and found himself back on earth. However, not only was the alien gone, but so was the car and the device that was in his hands moments before. Some have wondered if this really happened. They have accused the officer of making up some very strange stories. But that’s not his job is it? That’s my job.

"Donut Grows and Explodes!"
In upstate New York, a police officer entered a new Tim Horton’s restaurant and witnessed a very strange chain of events. He tells us that when he entered, there was a racket in the back. He asked if everything was OK, when suddenly the head baker chased the manager out a wooden spoon shouting, "How am I supposed to make the donuts if you don’t order the ingredients? What am I supposed to do, take money from the drawer and go shop at Tops Friendly Markets? You have done this to me too many times. This time, I will use my own ingredients!"
The baker returned to the back, and the police officer took a moment to talk to the manager as everyone calmed down. Suddenly, the baker returned with a small donut. He threw it at the manager and said, "Here, try this donut!"
The manager caught the donut, but he didn’t dare taste it. While he stood there, wondering what to do, he noticed that the donut was starting to grow. Realizing how dire the situation would soon become, the officer grabbed the donut and ran outside with it. He wasn’t sure what would happen next, so just set it down and watched. The donut grew and grew until it was just about as big as his police car. Suddenly, the donut burst and spread crumbs in every direction with a loud boom.
At this time, the mess is still being cleaned up, and the baker has been arrested and charged. No more details are available at this time, but we will pass on any information to you as soon as we get it.

Valentine stories

Well, my sister wants Valentine stories. As it turns out, I have already written two for the children's curriculum. what a coincidence. It probably is not what you wanted oh sister of mine, but enjoy it anyway. Start by imagining your favorite newscaster saying...


"A Dragon in the Street!"
In the small town of Fantasy, Iowa, village citizens couldn’t believe their eyes. Some said they felt like they were in a fairy tale, or that they must have been dreaming. In the evening, a fuss started in the local theater. People ran out of the theater yelling that there was a dragon. Indeed, soon afterward, a dragon did burst out of the building holding onto a woman who looked like she was from the 5th century or so. The dragon quickly turned around in the street and faced back toward the theater where a knight in shining armor came following.
When the knight realized where he was, he stopped and lifted his visor. "Oh my. Where are we? This does not look like England. For that matter, it doesn’t look like any place I’ve ever seen on earth."
The woman shouted out to him, "Who cares? You have to save me!"
"And I will my love. Even if I have to slay the dragon in this strange land, and sell it’s hide to be able to return to England, I will save you!"
At that comment, the dragon looked a little upset and perturbed. It looked to one of the people cowering on the street. "Excuse me, sir, but do you think that this man will be able to sell my hide to anyone around here? For that matter, do you think he could even get close enough to kill me and take my hide? I think not!"
The man on the street didn’t answer, but only ran away in terror. The knight felt to respond though.
"Hey, do you think these strange people in this strange land care at all about our quarrel. You only waste your time with words."
"So you’ve said before, but you only waste your time with threats and pathetic attempts at violence to save your believed damsel in distress. You’ve tried to rescue her now for weeks. There’s nothing that you can do to me to make me set her down. However, if you ask nicely, I just might let her go."
"Really, you would do that? Please will you let my beloved lady go."
The dragon quickly but gently set her down. "There you go."
The lady shouted, "My hero!" as she embraced her lover in a long kiss.
After a while, the knight looked back to the dragon. "While we are on such nice terms, can you tell me how we can get back to England?"
"Sure. Actually, let me show you. We have to go back into this building and walk through this movie screen…"
"Excuse me dragon. What’s a "movie screen?"
"Never mind, just follow me."
With that, the dragon and the two people from the 5th century or so disappeared into the building, and nobody has seen them since.

"Cupid Misses!"
Outside the small town of Lovely, Pennsylvania, a farmer says that he met Cupid. While going about his business on the farm, he noticed the short man with a bow and arrow aiming his arrow at the farmer’s cow.
"Hey what are you doing?" asked the farmer right as the man was about to fire. In fact, the man did fire, but he was so startled that he missed the cow, and hit a chicken afar off.
The short man said to the farmer, "Well, I was going to make your best two cows fall in love, but you startled me and I missed. I already shot that cow over there, but now I have also shot your chicken. Now, your cow and your chicken will fall in love. Do you have any idea how hard it will be to reverse this and do it right. It’s going to take me weeks to appeal this to the high Cupid, and he will have to review the case, and then it ill take two more days of paperwork before they can issue me a reversal arrow. By that time, your cow will probably be engaged to the chicken! And all of this is because you couldn’t keep your mouth shut. You just had to yell at me didn’t you. Really, I don’t understand humans."
With that, the short man walked around the barn and the farmer never saw him again. He did keep an eye on the chicken and the cow though. Although the two never kissed, they sure did spend a lot of time together for a few weeks, when they suddenly had a fight and turned their backs to each other.
Most people have said that they think the farmer is crazy, and that he spends to much time driving his tractor in the summer sun. The farmer however, swears that he saw Cupid.